Should Parents Have Favorites Among Their Kids?

Should Parents Have Favorites Among Their Kids?

Have you ever been asked that question as a parent? If you as a parent have been faced with that question before; it would be interesting to listen to your answer – was it a yes or a sharp no? Was your answer driven by sincerity or was it propelled by hypocrisy? Let us take the question to the circle of your children; would you answer yes to that question if all of your children were forming a circle around your mouth?  Here is another question for your perusal: Do you think parents should have favorite children?  And what gives birth to favorites among children of the same parents? While you are pondering that question, can you please mix your thoughts with yet another question? If you can, here is it: Is it possible for a parent to avoid treating a particular child or particular children as favorites? 

Perhaps it would be better to begin this discussion from the beginning – your beginning. So were you a favorite child? If you were, how did it make you feel in comparison to your siblings; awkward or special? O, yes, I agree that we should strike a balance in our analysis; so let us ask the question that is begging for attention on the other face of the coin: did you experience your parents treating a sibling or siblings with favoritism in relation to you? How did that make you feel – rejected or celebrated? Now as a parent which position would you pick for your new born baby on the day of his or her birth – favorite child or non-favorite? And yes, I know that for some parents, favoritism is born on the day the child was born; if they were desperate for a girl because they think they have had too ‘many’ boys, then the girl child is the favorite from the day her sex is known; and those who wanted a male child with desperation can instantly show dislike for a baby girl on her first day on earth! If you have ever been such a parent, what should we call you; wicked and heartless or loving and magnanimous?

Then there are children who celebrate it in the face of their brothers and sisters when they observe that they are Mum or Dad’s special child; and on the other end of the spectrum, there are children who get so pushed far away from their parents because the amazing parent lacks the maturity to at least hide their favoritism in the farthest corners of their hearts and in the remotest places of their word and actions. Is there any older parent reading this article who had favorite children when they were younger? Do you regret it or have you been celebrating it in your old age? Do you want my candid advice? Stop playing that favorite card! What you can’t do for all, don’t do for one; if you must do it for one, do it for all. Quit comparing your children with yourself and favoring the one who acts like you did when you were a child and stop showing disdain for the one whom according to you, is such an opposite of you. On the other hand, quit punishing that child because you fear he is going to turn out like your failed self as a teenager.

Favoritism is the product of lazy parenting; do your job and stop expecting the kids to train themselves up for you so you can reward those you whom you think are doing a better job on your behalf. The scriptures call us stewards of the manifold grace of God, and the finest graces God gives to parents besides the grace of salvation in Christ, is the grace of having children. As parents, your stewardship begins from loving your children no matter how different they may be; and it will help you to know that no two humans are exactly alike in every way. I think I have said just enough on this matter; here is one last word: treat all of your children as your favorites!